So… After five weeks of writing about various “transitions” – from my father’s passing to my various fears to now becoming old as **** – I can now say that I don’t have a clue what to write about. I’ve attempted several times to start a blog habit and just about every time, I’d go for a little bit and just stop. It’s generally the same reason: I have nothing to talk about.
Honestly, that probably applies even beyond this little piece of the digital real estate. I try to relate to people, but I am just not much of a conversationalist. Remember that nickname I gave myself when I ruined movie night? Cuz Bill Buzzkill. People could be having the most exciting/fascinating discussion ever and I have an uncanny talent for contributing the one thing guaranteed to kill it.
Take the song “Eleanor Rigby.” Everyone could be enraptured talking about its “mystery” origins, the depressing lyrics, the impact it had on the Beatles’ career, etc. While they are arguing whether John or Paul wrote more of it, I’ll be thinking “Dorian mode… but what about that C major chord? Ooooh… Five bar phrases in the verse! Well, it’s more of a 1-3-1 grouping of fragments pushed together.” Yeah… I know. No one cares. Yet, that’s what I think about. Well… That and the occasional notion that the song may actually be foretelling my future.
I’m joking. I think… If you haven’t figured out I have issues by now, you’re even more messed up than I am.
Whatever… I’m not a Beatles connoisseur anyway. I do like the song, though. Here’s a cover by The Jazz Crusaders.
One of the things I’ve learned about creativity is that the “awesome meaningful stuff” doesn’t just happen. Well… Maybe for some people it does, but for most people I know, there is a learning curve. You learn the basics. You chafe. You try to grow beyond it. You make a lot of crap. Some crap, you revisit and beat into submission. Maybe at some point along the way, you develop your voice and start to create something “less sucky.” You **** up a lot. That’s a part of the process. For anything.
Most importantly? You show up and you try.
In my case, there is a lot where I really need to “show up and try.” Actually doing something with my website is one of them. If I can’t do anything else, I will at least try to put one lousy post up every week. (Aw ****… That sentence sounds like kind of a commitment there. What am I thinking?!) Maybe there will be something meaningful in it… and maybe it will have absolutely no value to anyone whatsoever. I don’t know.
So… Can I actually in time consistently create or write something of value? Beats me. I’ve actually read quite a bit about personal branding, entrepreneurship, and story-telling. Don’t ask me to explain it because I haven’t been able to successfully implement anything that I’ve learned whatsoever. Maybe I’m being hard on myself, but I can’t honestly think of a single thing I know that anyone would really find any value in learning, much less explaining in long format.
It’s not just my website. I was actually doing pretty well with Twitter, but I got away from it. Even looking at it right now, I see my feed filled with “So-and-so Liked This” and sponsored ads and frankly it looks even more crowded than my Facebook feed.
I’ve got an artist page on Facebook that has now sat barren for probably about two years. I have no idea what to put on it. My album is six years old. (Yes, I know it is time to release more music, but that costs money.) My gigs are mostly private and have nothing to do with my original music. I actually love my church work, but I would not feel right at all about hocking it on my artist page. I’m actually beginning to wonder why I have one if I don’t gig out.
Hmmmmm… Maybe I should gig out…
I also have a LinkedIn profile. I don’t even know why. I actually browse LinkedIn from time to time and catch some articles, but in terms of my actually using it? At least with Facebook, I can just post and share stuff that strikes me. LinkedIn strikes me as being a bit more corporate-minded, which I am about as far from as possible. Am I supposed to share yet another “Research suggests music education improves learning in other subject areas so QUIT ******** CUTTING IT FROM YOUR SCHOOLS” article?
Guess I better start “showing up” there as well, eh? This showing up thing is getting out of control.