May 6 Day 6
I almost did not write this entry today, but I decided to follow through with it. It isn’t so much that nothing happened, but rather so much of these happenings are interpersonal. The ongoing situation that I said “turned a corner” yesterday is most definitely one of those. It’s not going to be resolved in five minutes, an hour, a day, a week, or possibly even a month. When it first went down a few days ago, I was angry and ready to wipe my hands of it. Yesterday, I decided to actually try to bridge the chasm.
We’ll see. I’m actually pretty hopeful.
The other two really have nothing to do with me at all. They “do”… but they really aren’t about me. It’s more about actually loving people. No… Not romantic love. (HA! Totally dying old and alone, here… possibly surrounded by cats if they don’t abandon me.) Love as in actually caring and passing on the Love of Christ. Period. It helps that they’re awesome people.
I suppose my first example really fits under that description too, but man… There are feelings of anger and betrayal to get past. There’s a need to rebuild trust. There’s a need to address the issues that led to the blow-up in the first place. It fucking hurt when it went down. It hurts right now because my response – while true to the emotions I was feeling at the time – wasn’t in anything even resembling love.
Again… We’ll see. For right now…
Blech.
TKP
5/6/2019