May 9 Day 9

Yep. Sleep was a mess again. I am totally not a fan of the sleep a few hours, get stuck awake a couple of hours, and sleep again. I admit that it was nice not to set the alarm today. I should extend an apology to my sister for sleeping right through her call. Normally, I hear the phone vibrate, but not this time.

Since I was a totally bad son yesterday and did not get my mother out of the house at all, I took her to one of her most-recent favorite places for lunch. Eden Spice in West Carrollton specializes in Afro-Caribbean cuisine. I’ve been typically getting the pepper chicken, but lately the fried beef patties have been hitting the spot. With a side of cabbage and macaroni, I am good. Today, I didn’t even finish the macaroni. Mom got the pepper chicken along with cabbage and plantains. She was real nice to my brother SP and got an order of potato wedges with Eden sauce to go.

Turkey. He knows where the restaurant is. I did laugh when he posted a picture of his haul on Facebook and his girlfriend CK gave him the angry face for going without her. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SERVES YOU RIGHT! Of course, he ate my leftover macaroni. Grrrrrrrr…

Beef patty and cabbage from Eden Spice? YEAH! My tummy was pleased.

Today has actually been the first day in a while I’ve really had nowhere to be, which is great for my peace of mind. (I’ll pay for it this coming Saturday.) Sure, there were a few things to work out like music for this weekend, but I find at times I am really struggling for mental space. There is just so much going on from different fronts. I really need to take charge of my schedule, prioritize my own time, and enforce it. Ruthlessly.

It was nice to actually sit down and work on the Rachmaninov sonata I’ve yet to perform publicly in its entirety, despite first learning it ten years ago. There’s a list of other stuff I need to hit as well. When I get busy, it seems my own practicing and learning goes right out the window.

Either that or I just got a lot weaker when I cut my beard Easter morning…

Yesterday, I was asked if I ever played with an orchestra. Nope. Well… unless you count a theater orchestra. I guess it kind of counts because they were great musicians. The conversation had spun out because of classical music, in which case the answer is again Nope. One of my bucket list items is to actually perform a piano concerto. That sort of thing requires something resembling a career, which I really don’t have. I know a lot of shit, but nothing that actually pays. It’s a harsh self-assessment, but one I feel more each passing day. I’m a dinosaur.

This evening, IB came out to pick up my electric piano and work on it. He had actually first worked on it about four years ago (after it lay unused for about 3 years) when the AC port stopped working. I showed him the three sticking keys and told him about how it said NO to the church sound system. IB’s a good guy and I’ve got faith. If I absolutely have to, I can haul out my 21-year-old 100-lb Technics, but I would rather not. That would not fit in the car along with Mom’s wheelchair ramp.

The last thing is a kind of a small thing. I hit the Chinese food place to pick up dinner. It’s right next door to the Crossfit gym I used to attend. (Lost 30 lbs there, too… but I digress.) The last class of the evening was walking out and I greeted the instructor PD. We talked a little bit. It is nice to be a part of a community, even if you’ve been out a couple years. While waiting for dinner, a woman about Mom’s age struck up a conversation about phones. We chatted for a bit and I mentioned how I was able to videocall Mom from the steps of Little Rock Central High School. I actually tried to videocall Mom from the restaurant, but she was on the phone with my sister. It was a great conversation. I gave her a CD before I brought dinner home.

Times like this, I sit back and I wonder what is coming next. Professionally-wise, that ship sank a long time ago and I was spinning circles even then. Sure, I’ve done a few really awesome things since then, but I still recognize it for what it is. At this point in my life, I have no desire to waste any more of it in directions that leave me utterly miserable. There is no guarantee that even if my – well – life had been successful that I would have been any happier. Meaning doesn’t come from living up to society’s standards.

Yeah… Ending on a downer. It’s how I am tonight.

All the best,


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